Mood: Confused! And in love...
Last Spoke To: My little one
Last Harmed: 7 days ago (10-11)
Hum... How confusing... So, there is a possibility, however big or small, that I am beginning to fall in love... With my little one.Yeah um. I never did tell you about that video chat, but we have had three now. Am I falling in love or just liking what I'm hearing?
Last Spoke To: My little one
Last Harmed: 7 days ago (10-11)
Hum... How confusing... So, there is a possibility, however big or small, that I am beginning to fall in love... With my little one.Yeah um. I never did tell you about that video chat, but we have had three now. Am I falling in love or just liking what I'm hearing?
This will be explained later but he is reeally sexy hmhm. He is reeeeeeally sweet and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally kind. Full of compliments and dislikes only one thing about me, that I cut. He is funny, has many terrible jokes but that makes him funny. He gets into this super serious head space and he practically looks like one of those professional doctor, no matter what you're discussing! But I love it, I poke and prod until I get called cute or he says he wants a cuddle. He plays way too many video games but I tease the hell out of him for it and find it hilarious. He is so practical and logical that my imaginary nonsense and silly riddles get him all muddled up until he just doesn't understand and finds it hard to finish sentences. He is constantly laughing at me... Because I'm so cute! Because of me and my desires, he is learning to be affectionate and rough at varying times and to varying degrees. He is learning to be firm to handle me (apparently I'm mouthy! Pffft, me? Mouthy? Crazy ideas...). He is realising my favourite toys and using them most. He cares, he really cares and has one of the most aggravating personalities you will ever find, but I love him to pieces and back together again. I love everything that makes him aggravating haha. Hm. Well, that is problem one. Or question one. Or issue one. How about situation one? I have two...
Situation two is that I have been talking with my master on the phone. And on chat. A lot. Nearing every morning and every night along with a few emails. That's fine though, he really is close to my heart. The main thing is. as I said, for the moment, I still think of him as my master. Well, he said something today. when he called, he said, 'I still think of you as my girl, in the back of my mind, I know I have just given you some freedom to explore. And I know, when you have explored enough, be it in a week, a month, or a year, you well come crawling back to me and say 'Master, I have explored' and when you do, I will be waiting'. That's a bad thing isn't it? Or is it good? Or is it totally indifferent? Then when we were talking about what my little one and I do, he explained to me why he asks. Because he still thinks of me as his girl, essentially, someone else is using his girl and he wants to know I am being cared for and kept comfortable. He was quite adamant that I was his girl and I was going to come crawling back. By the way, don't get iffy over the crawling part, that is simply because I'm a submissive and I will be asking my master to take me back. I have no right to do anything other than crawl to him, ask, beg if asked. But anyway. He said he will be waiting, if I don't come back, we will have an amazing friendship. So that's good right? Dear me. Admittedly, often I do think of myself as his girl, but other times I honestly think of myself as my little one's girl. I'm going to get an identity crisis here haha. And he called my little one impatient! Pfft, impatient my ass. Took me an hour to remove 3 articles of clothing, all he did was encourage gently. Make sure I was comfortable. If he is impatient, I really am an innocent little angel! Which brings us to the video...
Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to tell you! My sexy little one, my goodness! I don't like guys with no hair on their body, but I don't like hairy monkeys haha, I'm very particular with hair and my gosh! I teased about me being naked and him being clothed, so he offered to take his shirt off. He was very thing at first about finding out if I find him attractive, he didn't seem to think I did… Odd man. When he knew I did and I said yes to wanting his shirt off, he did. Ah my gosh! Not showy, freaky muscles, not fat, just fit and gorgeous. Toned sides, perfect (literally) amount and placing of hair haha hum. Simply gorgeous, or 'sexy' cause I know that makes him feel much more manly haha. Anyway...
Do, do, do, doo. It was a tad thrilling, don't judge me right? Some pretty details because I know you want them! So, when we video, he often makes the joke 'well, show them to me?' yeah, haha, he meant it this time. He honestly did ask nicely at first, I wanted to bat my head. Then we came to the conclusion that you tell me, you don't ask me and so he goes 'well, take your shirt off then'. I played with the edges for about 10 minutes first, took ages to get it off, a common comment was 'Perhaps I wasn't clear, when I said *order*, I meant now' haha. Oh right, I should mention, that was after we had concluded that yes, I did want to. And after we got over his heart attacks about me being uncomfortable. He is always so worried I'm not happy, it is sweet as anything! Annoying, but sweet. Anyway. We also had a little fun, belt, spanking, playing, it was exciting hmhm. The second video, I stripped much quicker, still not fast though. But that time he made me take my panties off! I was really mouthy that time haha. He would say 'I want you to take them off now. You offered, and I want to see now' and so I'd start mock mimicking him going 'me, me, me, me' haha, kept telling him how I was peaceful in bed and then a nasty man started making me do things, he laughed at me! He laughed a lot and kept threatening me with a spanking because he knows I find it awful embarrassing. The third was hilarious, I stripped much easier, only five minutes. But then he had decided I needed a spanking, I'm never good at pulling panties down haha. At first I was terrible at the spanking but then I got much better and then the unthinkable happened, my mother opened the door!
I literally flew up, I don't think she saw me until I sat at the door, panties up, bra on, no other clothing. My father needed my help with something. I don't think she knew I was video chatting then. So I told my poor, sweet, shocked Master that I'd be right back, I was actually starting to enjoy it, it sucked. Anyway, went out (dressed), came back in and took my shirt off, I'm comfortable that way with him and I would be that way if I were alone in the room anyway because of the heat so I didn't see the problem. I explained to him when he came back on and we both just cracked up. We just continued talking then, figured continuing the spanking wouldd be a terrible idea. Well, that made the parents suspicious. Next thing, my father came in, here I am, sitting there in a bra and sweats, talking with a guy, I just wanted to bat my head. Thankfully, my knees were up, so that shall be used in my story! My little one laughed at me after he was gone! It was so funny haha. Then he goes 'so is your dad convinced like me that your are an innocent little angel?', I laughed and nodded, talking about being a good girl, then my father poked his head in and goes 'no I'm not'. I cracked it, told my little one and so did he, we found the whole ordeal hilarious. Whilst under my parents roof, yes, they can stop me, but not forever. My little one would wait until I have the money to move out, if not send me the money haha. No, he would be very patient, he has done it before. He does love me, not just for sexual stuff. He has been without it before, he does not always ask for it and sometimes I offer it. Yeah, he's a guy, but honestly, he isn't quite the same as most... Humans haha. In many ways, not just sexually. So yeah, I believe he would be disappointed but he wouldn't leave me over it. Already proved that much.
Anyway, we spent most of the last video chat talking and laughing. And absolutely dying over every interruption, I should make some desire out of it all for him hmhm. Gets the bad side of a good girl hmhm. Nah, my beautiful little one loves me as is, though it doesn't mean I can't make some fun for him. I mean, when we were talking, he said about my parents probably not wanting me to be kinky, I laughed about how they were two years too late. His response was about how he didn't want to hear that, for two reasons, one being that he could have been doing this with me for two whole years already, the other reason is an inside joke, sorry! He is very sweet. While I was convincing myself to start spanking, he goes 'it's alright, take your time' and my answer... 'don't give me that option!' all he did was laugh and say 'well get on with it then'. He laughs at me a lot. How rude! Hmhm.
He often also mentions us living together. 'Tell me how you would be my perfect little bitch if we lived together', 'if we lived together, how would you make bed more comfortable for me', 'I'd have you close to me all the time, when I get home at night, I'd come find you, wrap you in a blanket and hold you'. Just things like that. Does that mean he wants that? Or at least like that? Let me be honest,I really like him, I love him, I may very well be falling in love with him, he is different to most numb nut men, there is but four years between us, I love everything about him, I love every flaw, I do want to live with him. Goodness, at the moment I'd like to spend my life with him.
So, one aspect of my life in a nutshell. Parents worried. Last master possessive. In love with current master who may very well love me back. One funny life. I mean, to top it off, I found so much love in a statement my little one made the other day, that I would always be cuddling him, keeping him warm and if I wasn't, he would come find me, pull my nose to the floor with my hair and beat my ass until I was ready to get into his lap and stay there hmhm.
Oh, can't forget the situation that made me crazy the other day. Laying naked on my bed, belt around my neck, bandaging scars that needed stitches, laughing and talking to myself about serving my little one and then sitting up and rocking back and forth haha. I must have looked crazy. My goodness.
Anyway, I am happy. My two beautiful guys who take perfect care of me, two out of so darn many people, claiming to be doms, I found the best and I won't lose two wonderful people to the world, whether they are friends or my master, they are so deep in my heart, I must take care of them. I'd do anything for them. I can't believe I found them. One day perhaps, I'll live with one of them. There is something like thirty years between my master and I, but only four between my little one and I. So living with my master may be a tad suss, but living with my little one would be normal. Not that I'm too fussed on societies opinion, they wouldn't look kindly on what I would do with either. Perhaps they like 50 Shades of Grey, but I don't know if the reality of it would be so glamorous. I remember when 50 Shades came out, I was horrified when my best friend started talking about BDSM, hid my face when people said submissives were broken, growled when told Dominants were sick, control freaks and practically had to hold myself back from ripping off heads upon hearing the dynamic was 'stupid and imaginary'. Yes, because I only imagine my owner (my little one) can tell me what to do. I am mentally bending to his will, not doing as he asks hurts me. Not pleasing him stings. Making him upset kills me. I never enter into the 50 Shades talk, I just grimace in the background, hiding my face. Oh that's right, and texting my owner (my little one) that my job is to serve him and to please him. Haha, it's rather awkward... Hmhm.
Anyhoo, I'm off, I can't concentrate now, too many thoughts and my little one's stupid kindle stopped working again so we can't talk. It happens sometimes unfortunately, it can take anywhere from an hour to a few days to work again. He always checks his emails a bit on the computer and answers me, he doesn't just abandon me, he even sits on the computer for a while talking, he just doesn't for very long, which I do understand, I just hate. Plus, he has work tomorrow (yeah, work on the weekend instead of Friday, what the hell) so he won't be able to get to the computer. Sucks. Hmph. My master will be around tonight though, and probably throughout the weekend. He's always checking in with me, making sure all is well, seeing what I'm learning. I suppose if he gets me back, he doesn't want my submission poorly tarnished. Nor does he want me broken anymore than I am haha. But my little one is actually fixing me more than anything. I don't know about the submission, I'm pretty set in my ways. I will learn his preferences but those are always variable knowledge. I can turn those on and off. I still know my last master's preferences, and the one before that and the one before that. The latter two had similar, sadistic preferences, the first two are kinder, gentler, would die if I felt hurt or uncomfortable haha. Decided I prefer that. So yeah, I'm off, wishing my little one was here. Isn't it odd, my little one is actually over six foot, my master is only and inch or two over me. Hm. I love them both, but I love that my little one is so tall, I love sitting on laps hmhm. But then, I'd fit on my master's lap as well, just not as easy. Oh well hmhm. I was going, haha. See ya, if you are stuck between two guys, email me, just see the counseling page for my email. I'll help, I promise. We will make the best decision together. Though it won't be easy! I won't let you make a bad mistake as best I can. For now, hide relationships from parents! They don't like know their baby has grown up and they will always believe a guy or girl you are sexual with is a creep, so watch out!
Remember, I love you.
RedTears
Situation two is that I have been talking with my master on the phone. And on chat. A lot. Nearing every morning and every night along with a few emails. That's fine though, he really is close to my heart. The main thing is. as I said, for the moment, I still think of him as my master. Well, he said something today. when he called, he said, 'I still think of you as my girl, in the back of my mind, I know I have just given you some freedom to explore. And I know, when you have explored enough, be it in a week, a month, or a year, you well come crawling back to me and say 'Master, I have explored' and when you do, I will be waiting'. That's a bad thing isn't it? Or is it good? Or is it totally indifferent? Then when we were talking about what my little one and I do, he explained to me why he asks. Because he still thinks of me as his girl, essentially, someone else is using his girl and he wants to know I am being cared for and kept comfortable. He was quite adamant that I was his girl and I was going to come crawling back. By the way, don't get iffy over the crawling part, that is simply because I'm a submissive and I will be asking my master to take me back. I have no right to do anything other than crawl to him, ask, beg if asked. But anyway. He said he will be waiting, if I don't come back, we will have an amazing friendship. So that's good right? Dear me. Admittedly, often I do think of myself as his girl, but other times I honestly think of myself as my little one's girl. I'm going to get an identity crisis here haha. And he called my little one impatient! Pfft, impatient my ass. Took me an hour to remove 3 articles of clothing, all he did was encourage gently. Make sure I was comfortable. If he is impatient, I really am an innocent little angel! Which brings us to the video...
Oh my gosh! I almost forgot to tell you! My sexy little one, my goodness! I don't like guys with no hair on their body, but I don't like hairy monkeys haha, I'm very particular with hair and my gosh! I teased about me being naked and him being clothed, so he offered to take his shirt off. He was very thing at first about finding out if I find him attractive, he didn't seem to think I did… Odd man. When he knew I did and I said yes to wanting his shirt off, he did. Ah my gosh! Not showy, freaky muscles, not fat, just fit and gorgeous. Toned sides, perfect (literally) amount and placing of hair haha hum. Simply gorgeous, or 'sexy' cause I know that makes him feel much more manly haha. Anyway...
Do, do, do, doo. It was a tad thrilling, don't judge me right? Some pretty details because I know you want them! So, when we video, he often makes the joke 'well, show them to me?' yeah, haha, he meant it this time. He honestly did ask nicely at first, I wanted to bat my head. Then we came to the conclusion that you tell me, you don't ask me and so he goes 'well, take your shirt off then'. I played with the edges for about 10 minutes first, took ages to get it off, a common comment was 'Perhaps I wasn't clear, when I said *order*, I meant now' haha. Oh right, I should mention, that was after we had concluded that yes, I did want to. And after we got over his heart attacks about me being uncomfortable. He is always so worried I'm not happy, it is sweet as anything! Annoying, but sweet. Anyway. We also had a little fun, belt, spanking, playing, it was exciting hmhm. The second video, I stripped much quicker, still not fast though. But that time he made me take my panties off! I was really mouthy that time haha. He would say 'I want you to take them off now. You offered, and I want to see now' and so I'd start mock mimicking him going 'me, me, me, me' haha, kept telling him how I was peaceful in bed and then a nasty man started making me do things, he laughed at me! He laughed a lot and kept threatening me with a spanking because he knows I find it awful embarrassing. The third was hilarious, I stripped much easier, only five minutes. But then he had decided I needed a spanking, I'm never good at pulling panties down haha. At first I was terrible at the spanking but then I got much better and then the unthinkable happened, my mother opened the door!
I literally flew up, I don't think she saw me until I sat at the door, panties up, bra on, no other clothing. My father needed my help with something. I don't think she knew I was video chatting then. So I told my poor, sweet, shocked Master that I'd be right back, I was actually starting to enjoy it, it sucked. Anyway, went out (dressed), came back in and took my shirt off, I'm comfortable that way with him and I would be that way if I were alone in the room anyway because of the heat so I didn't see the problem. I explained to him when he came back on and we both just cracked up. We just continued talking then, figured continuing the spanking wouldd be a terrible idea. Well, that made the parents suspicious. Next thing, my father came in, here I am, sitting there in a bra and sweats, talking with a guy, I just wanted to bat my head. Thankfully, my knees were up, so that shall be used in my story! My little one laughed at me after he was gone! It was so funny haha. Then he goes 'so is your dad convinced like me that your are an innocent little angel?', I laughed and nodded, talking about being a good girl, then my father poked his head in and goes 'no I'm not'. I cracked it, told my little one and so did he, we found the whole ordeal hilarious. Whilst under my parents roof, yes, they can stop me, but not forever. My little one would wait until I have the money to move out, if not send me the money haha. No, he would be very patient, he has done it before. He does love me, not just for sexual stuff. He has been without it before, he does not always ask for it and sometimes I offer it. Yeah, he's a guy, but honestly, he isn't quite the same as most... Humans haha. In many ways, not just sexually. So yeah, I believe he would be disappointed but he wouldn't leave me over it. Already proved that much.
Anyway, we spent most of the last video chat talking and laughing. And absolutely dying over every interruption, I should make some desire out of it all for him hmhm. Gets the bad side of a good girl hmhm. Nah, my beautiful little one loves me as is, though it doesn't mean I can't make some fun for him. I mean, when we were talking, he said about my parents probably not wanting me to be kinky, I laughed about how they were two years too late. His response was about how he didn't want to hear that, for two reasons, one being that he could have been doing this with me for two whole years already, the other reason is an inside joke, sorry! He is very sweet. While I was convincing myself to start spanking, he goes 'it's alright, take your time' and my answer... 'don't give me that option!' all he did was laugh and say 'well get on with it then'. He laughs at me a lot. How rude! Hmhm.
He often also mentions us living together. 'Tell me how you would be my perfect little bitch if we lived together', 'if we lived together, how would you make bed more comfortable for me', 'I'd have you close to me all the time, when I get home at night, I'd come find you, wrap you in a blanket and hold you'. Just things like that. Does that mean he wants that? Or at least like that? Let me be honest,I really like him, I love him, I may very well be falling in love with him, he is different to most numb nut men, there is but four years between us, I love everything about him, I love every flaw, I do want to live with him. Goodness, at the moment I'd like to spend my life with him.
So, one aspect of my life in a nutshell. Parents worried. Last master possessive. In love with current master who may very well love me back. One funny life. I mean, to top it off, I found so much love in a statement my little one made the other day, that I would always be cuddling him, keeping him warm and if I wasn't, he would come find me, pull my nose to the floor with my hair and beat my ass until I was ready to get into his lap and stay there hmhm.
Oh, can't forget the situation that made me crazy the other day. Laying naked on my bed, belt around my neck, bandaging scars that needed stitches, laughing and talking to myself about serving my little one and then sitting up and rocking back and forth haha. I must have looked crazy. My goodness.
Anyway, I am happy. My two beautiful guys who take perfect care of me, two out of so darn many people, claiming to be doms, I found the best and I won't lose two wonderful people to the world, whether they are friends or my master, they are so deep in my heart, I must take care of them. I'd do anything for them. I can't believe I found them. One day perhaps, I'll live with one of them. There is something like thirty years between my master and I, but only four between my little one and I. So living with my master may be a tad suss, but living with my little one would be normal. Not that I'm too fussed on societies opinion, they wouldn't look kindly on what I would do with either. Perhaps they like 50 Shades of Grey, but I don't know if the reality of it would be so glamorous. I remember when 50 Shades came out, I was horrified when my best friend started talking about BDSM, hid my face when people said submissives were broken, growled when told Dominants were sick, control freaks and practically had to hold myself back from ripping off heads upon hearing the dynamic was 'stupid and imaginary'. Yes, because I only imagine my owner (my little one) can tell me what to do. I am mentally bending to his will, not doing as he asks hurts me. Not pleasing him stings. Making him upset kills me. I never enter into the 50 Shades talk, I just grimace in the background, hiding my face. Oh that's right, and texting my owner (my little one) that my job is to serve him and to please him. Haha, it's rather awkward... Hmhm.
Anyhoo, I'm off, I can't concentrate now, too many thoughts and my little one's stupid kindle stopped working again so we can't talk. It happens sometimes unfortunately, it can take anywhere from an hour to a few days to work again. He always checks his emails a bit on the computer and answers me, he doesn't just abandon me, he even sits on the computer for a while talking, he just doesn't for very long, which I do understand, I just hate. Plus, he has work tomorrow (yeah, work on the weekend instead of Friday, what the hell) so he won't be able to get to the computer. Sucks. Hmph. My master will be around tonight though, and probably throughout the weekend. He's always checking in with me, making sure all is well, seeing what I'm learning. I suppose if he gets me back, he doesn't want my submission poorly tarnished. Nor does he want me broken anymore than I am haha. But my little one is actually fixing me more than anything. I don't know about the submission, I'm pretty set in my ways. I will learn his preferences but those are always variable knowledge. I can turn those on and off. I still know my last master's preferences, and the one before that and the one before that. The latter two had similar, sadistic preferences, the first two are kinder, gentler, would die if I felt hurt or uncomfortable haha. Decided I prefer that. So yeah, I'm off, wishing my little one was here. Isn't it odd, my little one is actually over six foot, my master is only and inch or two over me. Hm. I love them both, but I love that my little one is so tall, I love sitting on laps hmhm. But then, I'd fit on my master's lap as well, just not as easy. Oh well hmhm. I was going, haha. See ya, if you are stuck between two guys, email me, just see the counseling page for my email. I'll help, I promise. We will make the best decision together. Though it won't be easy! I won't let you make a bad mistake as best I can. For now, hide relationships from parents! They don't like know their baby has grown up and they will always believe a guy or girl you are sexual with is a creep, so watch out!
Remember, I love you.
RedTears
