Red Tears
Not from my eyes are they forming
Not rolling my cheek, adorning The leave of silvery trails aren’t falling They are red and from a river this morning Gathered in beads of rippling pain Shattering from a now split vein Down pallor skin of reddened shame Thoughts now stolen in some sick game Biting sting of sharpened blade Singing hum of pulse does fade Violent thoughts of death lend aid Screaming voice of tears is made |
By RedTears (2012)
RedTears...
Well, put simply, I am a young girl with a messed up mind! But it's deeper than that I suppose. I am a submissive, with tendencies dancing on slave. D/s has long haunted my sexual fantasies. Upon just hitting puberty, it was chains, whips and bruises which filled my mind and had me aching down there. I never was one to be normal! These days, I have acted upon my original fantasies with the discovery of BDSM. Sadistic trainers saw me well trained in many a skill to please. I am yet to have a displeased Dominant ever since beginning in 2010! I am full of attitude, but not quite a brat, obedient as ever, but never let anyone get bored, I am proud of my submission. The one thing I can honestly and always say, I believe I am good at. I also cope with a mental illness. BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. I am on decent medication for it but still self harm. Usually in the way of cutting though I have tried to break bones, bitten and scratched. I get counselling online due to how shy I am. Which actually combines with a nice bout of Social Anxiety! I tried to commit suicide via slitting my throat once but the need to stay for my very un-trusting mare won over. Enough about my crazy mind though. Horses are my world. I have three beautiful mares and a gorgeous gelding. I spend my money on them, my time with them, I use them for support. They are my beautiful babies. I could not live without them. Before I found Daddy and my little one, they were my only support. I thank them each and every day. Now I have a 'Daddy' or a Daddy Dom (please refer to the BDSM Relationships article) who guides me and takes care of me in ways I never have been. We get along wonderfully, though with about thirty years between us, the Daddy dynamic is easy for us, though not how we began. I have a good relationship with my actual father but in no way desire him. Daddy is a multi use word for me. I want Daddy to fuck me, I do not want daddy (father) to fuck me! Ever! Anyway, I love Daddy, he has a very dark imagination and definitely leads me down the path. Daddy always makes sure my Dom is caring for me, he checks on me and asks me to send different things just to be sure. Daddy doesn't actually ask for many things, I do them voluntarily these days because I know what he likes now. My Master, my current Dom, is beautiful. He is my little one (I know, we are a bit messed up). Distance is something I hate for he and I care very deeply for one another, fit together incredibly and balance each other out amazingly. I would love to be able to spend time just in his arms. Admittedly, I do love him, and he loves me. Falling in love is something which is fast approaching it seems... He really is my light in all this darkness. We reside in a Master/pet relationship. He has renamed me, a name I won't share for it is very special to me and don't wish to share it with every person out there. So, that's me. A BPD, self harming, shy wall flower of a submissive! A few last things. I am softly spoken, creative, love computers, programming, animation, writing and art. I love animals, and the outdoors, they are everything to me. In animals, I see what humans should aim for. Remember, I love you. RedTears |
Words In My Skin...
Words In My Skin is named so because of its author's practice of cutting words into her skin instead of mere lines when she needs the pain. These words are now there forever, scars of terrible troubles. She cannot wear swim suits without board shorts, she must explain why there are wide, pink scars writing both beautiful and terrible words there to every boyfriend she ever has. Every shower, every time she changes, every short pair of shorts, she must see them. Excuse me but every time in her life, when she has sex, she and her partner must see the marks of misery. If you can avoid hurting yourself, do avoid it! The marks never leave, the scars are always visible, 50 years old and they still won't disappear. Sex, showers, photos, dressing up, they don't disappear. You will always be ashamed. Remember, I love you. RedTears Silver to Red... Silver to Red is so named because self harm, when it involves cutting, basically turns tears from silver to red. From water to blood. As stated earlier, the author cuts, her tears no longer are silver and from her eyes, but are red and from her skin. Silver to Red is the tumblr site of Words In My Skin and is a collection of words and pictures which the author has enjoyed and collected over time. Some are originals, others found. She puts her own comments at the base of each, be it her own or not. Eventually, she hopes to move all stories, poems, pictures and quotes to it and leave this site as informational and personal. But we shall see. For now, the two sites are working together and often sharing tasks. The pictures page leads to StR and pages on it lead to WIMS. Each is kept in working order and is dearly treasured by the author, along with her followers on each site. Remember, I love you. RedTears |