Crying

12/13/2012

 
Mood: Relaxed
Last Spoke To: An old friend
Last Harmed: 24 days ago (20-11)

Doing so well! 24 days! I'm so damned proud! Annnnyway. I'm also so happy. I did try to ignore my little one, I did try to be withdrawn, but he drew me into his arms basically and held me tight. Goodness, I even tried to leave him (yes, I actually did, I told him that I couldn't do it) and he did force me back in, he let me have free will but he actually begged me. 
Made excuses to me (they are truthful excuses and he did say that he didn't mean to make excuses haha), he refused to be distracted from me even for photos. Yes, he is a guy and yes, he refused half naked photos. He begged me to stay with him... Hmhm. And he has followed through, he has. He has paid me so much attention, yeah he hasn't called and yeah he hasn't videoed, I'm a little annoyed at that, but he has been very good. Good like you wouldn't believe. Full of affection. I was kind of surprised on the change in him the moment he realised my mind was on ending it. His messages suddenly longer, he started giving me reasons and using pleases and sorrys. I was astounded. The duffer. I love him, I should probably stop denying it, I do love him, I'd adore spending forever with him. I'd never let him go and I'd never stop pleasing him. If I were able to make him happy everyday of our lives, I'd love to. But the duffer. Pleaded me to stay with him. I'd never want to leave him. But I worried he wasn't talking much because he didn't like me, or didn't want me. Suppose I'm a duffer too. He has found a quick and firm place in my heart, time is just cementing it. He's my baby hmhm. Shh. I do love him, I really do. I don't know what to do about it but yeah. My little one. I wish he would be forever only mine. That would be nice, even if I have to put up with his video game obsession and logic for the rest of my life haha. He is at work at the moment, should be home soon. Usually shifts that run this late see him not talking till the morning. That's ok, I know he is tired lately, I don't blame him. I'd love to do something for him that shows him just a little of how I love him but I don't know what... Cuddles and pictures are common, we both love each other enough to know the other wants that. But I want to do something special. Maybe if I say that to him and ask? Cause I really want to do something special for him that he would love. If I had his address (I'll work on that), I'd like to send him a necklace. I know he probably isn't the type to wear jewellery but I think I could find one with a beautiful and meaningful pendant. I know he would like a game or something but I want something meaningful, because he is the type to understand that. He isn't stupid and he would see the thought behind it even though he would prefer a game of sorts, he would be more touched by that.

Oh, my email withheld a message from me! Half an hour ago he emailed me. Hmph, stupid thing. I didn't mean to upset him too the other day so I'm trying very, very hard to be a good girl. Oh, he must have his kindle close hmhm, he was very, very, very, very, very, very cute. Haha. Honestly, is there nothing I can do to really, truly please him whilst on the other side of the world? I can't think of anything he would ask that I wouldn't do. I suppose I should keep the fact that he has my complete devotion. I mean, Daddy has it because I listen to him. But my little one has it because I love him. What could I possibly do for him? I suddenly understand that Twilight series, where the protagonist doesn't want her boyfriend getting her presents because there is no possible way for her to repay him. I can't even think of how to repay him for what he does give me! I mean, what can I do? Say? What? I honestly have no idea. I don't even know why he settles for me. I mean, he pleaded me to stay with him! Why does he want me? Not that I really mind why, I'm just glad he does. I just want to do something for him but I can't think of what?  I always send pictures, always send stories and have sent poems. What can I do? Is there anything? Should I ask? Will he answer? Can I ask Daddy? Is there anything at all?

Daddy sees the devotion in each text and image, my little one doesn't seem to, so I want to do something for him. But I don't know what I can do short of buying a plane ticket... I think he fell asleep hmhm. One day I will have to convince him to be on the phone to me or video while he falls asleep hmhm, shh don't tell him that's me aim! I do like it enough that he falls asleep with me on his mind though hmhm, just like I fall asleep with him on my mind.

I'll think of something, or I'll ask him, I'll figure old something and show my sweet little one that he means something to me.

I should be off for now, a little happy to write haha. 

Remember, I love you.
RedTears

Comments are closed.